paixaorpg | Her Madness Keeps Her Sane? [completed]

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Her Madness Keeps Her Sane? [completed]

Character(s): Asuka, Rei and anyone.
Content: Asuka is messed up after Kyoko's disappearance and Rei is at the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong person.
Setting: Around Vanaheim gate (F3)
Time: Afternoon, Week 2
Warnings: Insanity.

The warmth is gone. Asuka brings her arms around herself, thinking that maybe she can gather the warmth that was once in front of her if she does that. The warmth is still not here. She lets go of herself and repeats the gesture; reaching her hands out and bringing them around herself yet again. "Mama?" She asks timidly, afraid that if she calls out too loud, her mother will not come to her; that if she demands too much, they would not give her anything and will take away everything she has.

She feels so fragile that she is afraid that if she speaks too loud then she might break herself. Yet in her mind, her own voice echoes like stereos set on full blast but she cannot make herself shut up. She can hear herself yelling over and over again like a broken record, BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKABAKABAKA!! but that is not her, that is the Bad Asuka and the Good Asuka is whimpering in the background, no foreground, BACKGROUND, YOU BAKA! but then she realizes that there is no Good Asuka or Bad Asuka, there is only Strong Asuka and Weak Asuka and now the Strong Asuka is angry, ohpleaseplease, stop shouting, damnit!, and she is the Weak Asuka and she is so weak she can only cry.

Asuka gathers her knees around her to make up for the warmth that was once there but is not anymore. She puts her hands on her ears to make the Strong Asuka stop shouting mean things to her, but it only made Strong Asuka sound louder in her head. Tears flow down from her eyes that gaze into the distant nothingness, synchrographminus twelvepoint eightit's on theborderline ofthestartingindicator. "Stop it..." Her eyes dart around chaoticly, looking for an enemy, the enemy. She is looking for the source of the voice so she can destroy him, her, it. So it would shutupshutupshutup.

Her eyes fall upon Rei and she grins like a madman (man? girl, madgirl). you arejust adolllike i thoughtyou'vealwayslooked likeadoll andi'vehated youfor a longlongtime! haah!ihate everyoneeveryone! "I hate you..." she mutter menacingly to Rei. "ihateyouihateyouihateyou..." she repeats the words like a mantra, biting her nails nervously while glaring at Rei. she's justadollcan't feelangrysadhurt so shecansaywhatever shewantsto it. "You're just my doll~" she says in a sing-song voice to Rei.

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It was not the first time Rei had found herself at a loss of words. The Second's mother was there - and then simply not. Was that how this place worked? One moment there, and then not. Rei's jaw tightened the slightest bit. Perhaps the Second's mother was just an illusion. It made sense - Rei could not fathom a creature that seemed to be half human and half Evangelion. It was impossible.

She watched Asuka cry and react to the sudden loss with a look of detatchment. Her mind was quickly telling her this was a bad situation and would not help the girl's mental state. Alarms were going off in her head, but she did not know if she should just leave. The commander would want them to work together. He would want her to drag the Second with her. Rei was injured, and the Second's mental state was worse.

Rei found herself wanting to... not listen. But her legs didn't move. A part of her was curious.

The look in Asuka's eyes made the alarms sound louder in her head. Hate. Rei did not care if someone hated her. The doll comment, perhaps, is what made her narrow her good eye. "I am not a doll."

Even in her current state, Asuka could sense that Rei wants to go away. Rei wants to leave her behind like her mother did. But mother didn't leave Asuka, of course not, mother would never leave Asuka. mamama mapleasedon't killme noi amnotmama's dolli will thinkformyself iwill liveonmy owni don't needdaddyor mama.i willlive onmy own. "I am not a doll," Rei said, and Asuka cackles maniacally at her reply. Not a doll? What a joke. Asuka cannot see that she is finding the joke to be much funnier than it should be.

"Dolly, Dolly~" she trills inbetween her cackles. "You should just die, you dolly!" Her eyes are still unfocused just like her mind because if she just tries to pull herself together then she would realize that she actually wants to say these words to herself instead. OF COURSE NOT, YOU BAKA! iam thegreatasukai amnot likethatrei sucking upto the commanderhow pitiful! "Dolly~ you should just kill yourself, no one would care anyway~"

Rei found herself not liking the way the Second laughed. It was not happy, or nervous... it was insane.

Rei knew she was in a bad and potentially dangerous situation. She was injured, and the other pilot would be able to chase her down if she so pleased. The odds were not in Rei's favor.

"I am not a doll," she repeated calmly. She was not a doll. She was not a doll. She was Rei Ayanami, the First Child, pilot of Unit 00. She was not a doll. She was needed by the commander to protect Tokyo-3 from the Angels. She was not a doll.

She used to have a purpose.

Rei shook her head and said again, firmly, "I am not a doll."

Rei's reply simply makes Asuka's laughter more uncontrollable. This time, however, it is not because she finds Rei's statement to be funny. Asuka finds that if she just laughs hard enough, the Mean Asuka shouting in her head cannot be heard. It is better that way, because Mean Asuka says very cruel things that make Asuka hurt so much, like, in the inside. It does not matter that her throat is starting to feel raw from cackling unstoppably, she will keep laughing because she must not cry.

"It doesn't matter what you say, doll," she laughs at her own words as if it were the best joke she has ever heard, "nothing you say will make you more than what you are; a stupid fucking doll!" She spits her words menacingly.

"... I am not a doll," she repeated again, though it was softer this time. She was not a doll. Not a doll. She was Rei Ayanami, the First Child, pilot of Unit 00, the results of an experiment, easily replaced, not unique, just a --

Doll.

No. Rei was all but glaring at the Second. No. She must not let her words get to her. "You are insane," Rei said, what little tact she had forgotten. She had to keep herself above the situation.

Asuka stops laughing at Rei's statement, although the menace in her eyes is all but gone. Tinged with anger, she narrows her eyes at the blue-haired girl as if the First Child said something that insulted her dignity. "And you think you're not?"

With a stumble, Asuka tries to stand on her two feet so that she is not looking up at Rei anymore. She laughs again, sounding less maniacal this time. "Everyone is insane, you idiot. Everyone." How can they not be? How can anyone be sane when those voices won't stop screaming in your ears? They must hear those voices too, it's impossible for them not to. Hell, they scream so loud.

Rei was surprised to find her hands balled into fists. It took a great effort to make them relax, and she flexed her fingers to stop them from cramping.

She took a step back when the Second rose, annoyed with the reaction she was causing in her. And suddenly, Rei made a decision.

She was going to go against her better judgement.

"I am leaving," was all she said before she turned her back on the Second.

Rei's response to her words caught Asuka off guard. Wide-eyed, she stares at the blue-haired girl's turned back with the pain of someone betrayed. Rei has betrayed her by leaving her, or at least attempting to. The doll has betrayed her, that is simply unacceptable! Coiling back in anger, the menace in Asuka's face becomes more apparent. "You're not going anywhere!" She screams at Rei.

Without waiting for a reaction from the other EVA pilot, Asuka staggers as quickly as she can after the girl's frail figure, grabbing her shoulder roughly. "You're just a doll!" She screams at Rei's face with unmasked hurt. "You're just a doll..." she says again, much softer this time, "you have to obey my every command!!" Her voice becomes louder than a shout again.

Rei is just a doll, like Unit-02, so she must obey Asuka because she is the pilot. Rei is just like Unit-02, Asuka does not have to open up to the stupid doll to control it! Rei cannot leave her because Asuka has not told her to, no one can leave her if she does not tell them to! No one will ever leave Asuka! Clutching the albino's shirt, Asuka stares into Rei's eyes, putting her face too close to Rei's for comfort. "You're not leaving," she hisses it like a threat, "No one's ever leaving Asuka, you hear!? No one!!'

The pilot knew her mistake the moment her back was turned on the Second. Yet it was too late to turn around - Rei was already crying out in both pain and shock as the Second grabbed her shoulder. Everything was still tender and sore, and the contact alone almost brought Rei to her knees.

"I obey the Commander," Rei found herself stating between whimpers of pain as she tried to twist around to face the Second without dislocating her shoulder. This was the situation she had been worried about.

Part of her wished Death were still around.

She wanted to break free somehow and perhaps try to run, but she knew she would not make it very far at all. Rei simply said nothing, ignoring the pain as best as she could and looking calmly back at the Second. There had to be a way to... to what? Rei's eyes drifted to the side.

She remembered she did not like the color red.

Asuka does not even notice the fact that she is hurting the injured Rei, holding firmly to the other girl's shoulder. The anger seems to dissipate from her face even as the menace seeps back into her eyes. Asuka lets out a slight chuckle at Rei's reply. "I know you obey the Commander, doll," she draws her face away from Rei's to look down on the albino. "I wonder just what he's made you done." There is laughter in her eyes, but it is dark and painful.

Noticing that Rei seems desperate to get away from her, Asuka lets go of the grip she has on the other girl's shoulder. Contrary to what she just said moments ago, she pushes the blue-haired girl away from her. "Leave if you want!" She spits out to Rei's face. "You can't survive here without me," she sneers at the First to cover the anxiety she feels within. "You'll die if you don't do what I say!" She yells at Rei, sounding more desperate for Rei to stay with her than angry.

Asuka does not want Rei to leave, she cannot have anyone leave her anymore. Too many people have left her behind, she does not think she can handle it if anyone were to leave again. But if Asuka does want Rei to leave then it would feel less painful if Rei does leave, because then she would have wanted it, right? right?? It wouldn't hurt so much, right?

That unfamiliar flash of anger crossed Rei's mind once again, and before she could stop herself, she was asking, "What do you mean?"

She was the pilot for Unit 00. He needed her. Tokyo-3 needed her. Someone needed to pilot the EVA, and as far as she knew she had been the only one found in Japan. Rei absently rubbed at her arm, thinking furiously. This girl... she made no sense. Or did she?

Looking up at the Second, Rei felt another odd feeling - compassion? Sympathy? She did not like the girl. She did not like the color red. She did not like noise or the way the Second's moods changed. But a part of her knew she couldn't leave the unstable pilot alone.

"... I am leaving." Holding her shoulder, Rei turned once again, tensing. She would not be surprised if the Second grabbed her again. Yet this time she looked back over her good shoulder. "... you may come if you want to do so."

Rei didn't know why she offered. She told herself that the Second would be valuable in finding out more on why they were here in this odd place, but... in this state, she would be more of a danger. A danger to them both.

Asuka's eyes quickly narrow as she spots the expression of pity flashing behind the blue-haired girl's eyes. How dare the pathetic doll pity her like that? She has no right to look at the great Asuka that way! No right at all. Crossing her arms in front of her, she cranes her neck proudly while the anger in her eyes are still flaring.

"Leave if you want, there's no way I'm coming with you," she replies, sounding like a child throwing a tantrum. Asuka wishes that Rei would stay with her, but she does not want to have to ask for it. She wants Rei to want to stay with her. If she has to ask for it, then Rei does not really want to stay with her, right? So Asuka will not ask for it, and if Rei decides to stay with her that would be out of her own free will. If Rei has a free will, that is. Asuka sneers at Rei at her last thought.

[ooc: should we close this thread after you reply? Rei can go off to join one of the plot threads ;)]

... she had tried.

Rei looked at the Second carefully for one last time. She was disappointed.

She had expected more from an Evangelion pilot.

Turning again, Rei nodded. "Goodbye."

As she walked away, she realized she really didn't know what to do with herself. This would be... interesting. The Second was of no use to her, and now she was at a loss of what to do. She was on her own.

[ooc: sure! ♥ thanks :D ]

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Her Madness Keeps Her Sane? [completed]

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