paixaorpg | Thoughts in turmoil [active]

Entry tags:

Thoughts in turmoil [active]

Character(s): Mao, Urd, others?
Content: Mao has shut himself up in his room after failing to find Yorda.
Setting: St. Destino Hospital
Time: Evening
Warnings: Mao is an Emoberry Poptart

Gone... She was just gone. Mao had searched all over that stupid place with the birds and had found nothing. Not even the slightest hint of her. Not even her journal was left. It was like she had completely disappeared.

But Mao knew better than that. That lion had said Geoffrey had handed her over to someone. Someone dangerous if Mao was to take Geoffrey's history into account. And that goddess... She had said it was all Mao's fault. Sure, she had tried to change what she said once he pointed it out, but she had said it herself. They trusted Yorda with him and now she was gone. And it was Mao's fault.

He was the one who had accepted Geoffrey back. He knew what Geoffrey was capable of, and still he had done it. All for what, because he wanted to be comfortable? For the convenience? What the hell was the point of that when it ended up with people he actually liked disappearing? Every time, it always tied back to him, and Mao had still let him in, knowing that. Yorda was gone, wasn't she? It was just like what happened with Almaz, wasn't it?

Mao hadn't been able to bring himself to leave his lab since he'd gotten back. There was a huge weight over his heart, and every time he started thinking about what had happened, he only made himself angry all over again. Revenge sounded good. But he didn't even know where to begin or if it would even make him feel any better.

Why? Why did everything have to be so complicated? Why couldn't he have just stayed at the school?

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It had been long enough. Long enough time brooding and worrying and lashing out. Urd had never been the type to stay inactive for long, especially when someone she cared about was in trouble. Flying low through the buildings, the goddess clenched her fists at her side and sped up the pace. In all this time worrying about Yorda and the Master, she'd forgotten about one important thing.

Mao.

He may not have been as unstable as the Master, but he had his own emotional baggage that had to be effecting him right now. Whatever he might say when pressed, she knew he cared about Yorda. She also knew he wasn't equipped to deal with what that meant, especially in the wake of the girl being taken.

Like a Mao-seeking missile, Urd crashed into the hospital and through several doors, skidding to a stop in her fashionable pumps. "Mao! Get out here!"

Mao heard the commotion, but made no move to get up. The most attention he gave Urd was a quick glance back in the direction of the goddess's voice followed by a scoff before he returned to what he was doing. What, had she come to tell him it was his fault some more? Remind him that this entire thing was just one big bad decision?

Well he didn't need to hear it from anyone else, and he didn't want to. He'd just keep playing his game. It was a good way to forget for awhile.

A few more loud thuds as Urd opened a few more doors and there she was, standing like the vengeful goddess she could be, framed by the dim light of the hall. "...so you are here," she growled, striding purposefully into his room and stopping a few feet behind him. What was he...? Video games? He was playing video games?

"...just what the hell do you think you're doing?" she asked, astonished. "You're playing a game? A game?"

"She wasn't there," Mao said shortly. "There wasn't anything there." His words were clipped and cold, and he said nothing more on the matter, pretending that his focus was solely on the game in front of him, pretending that the goddess wasn't even there.

A burst of electricity crackling around her head, Urd stormed around Mao and planted herself directly in front of him, on her knees. "So we'll look again. She's still here, somewhere. I know she is! I feel it!" Irritation fading into concern, she reached out to push down the game. "Just listen to me..."

Mao immediately reacted, trying to shove her away and turn his back to her. "No you don't!" he snapped. "You don't know anything!" His grip tightened on his Slaystation Portable, only lightening once he realized he might break it if he squeezed too hard.

"I'm going to get out of here," Mao whispered. "I want to go home."

Shoved though she was, Urd let herself be pushed back without retaliation, recognizing the desperate note in his voice. This was bad...she'd let him alone for too long. He'd come to depend on Yorda way more than either of them realized. "And what's at home for you now, huh?" she said quietly after a moment, watching his back. "You think can just go back and everything will be the way it always was?"

Urd's gaze, relentless as always, rested on his shoulders. "You think you can just forget about her now?"

"Everyone's at home and he's..." He was at Mao's mercy. He could do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted. His own personal super hero specimen. And no one at home would leave. He'd already forbidden it. He didn't have to worry about people disappearing on him at random.

"It's not about forgetting."

"Then what is it about?" Exasperated, she moved around to put herself in his way again. "Mao, you can't just give up when someone disappears on you. Aren't you stronger than that?" She grasped his shoulder and shook him.

"What is it about?"

Mao's eyes fell to the floor, hidden in shadow. "Being the Strongest Overlord," he answered lowly, every word filled with bitterness. "That's what it's about. And that's what it'll always be about."

And as long as that was what it was about, no one was going to be safe around him. But he wasn't sure how to fix it.

Her hand slowly fell from his shoulder. Again with this Overlord crap...but then, it wasn't as if she didn't understand. She herself was half-demon. Pursuing power and strength was par for the course in that world, it seemed. But still... "Whether you want to believe it or not, you've changed from the demon you were before you came here," Urd said softly, watching the shadows of his face. "She changed you. And you can't go back to the path you were on before, because she changed that too. You want to be strong? Truly strong? Then be strong."

She lifted her hand over her heart, clenching it into a fist. "If you give up now, if you run away just because of something like this, you'll always be weak." Her voice hardened. "And if you let someone else take something precious to you, then you're no Overlord and never will be!"

"I don't care about power!" he yelled. "I don't care!" Mao glanced to the door and back multiple times, searching for any sign of his butler, keeping his senses open to see if he could feel him nearby. Did it matter if Geoffrey knew that he knew? What would happen if he did? What would he do? There was something comforting about him being around, but there was also the danger of what might happen once the jig was up. Everything that he did once Mao knew who he was was still fresh in his mind. It was impossible to forget.

It looked like he either wanted to flee or fight her, here and now. A fight she would prefer...a fight, she could handle, even as powerful as Mao was. So she wasn't about to let up, not now. "Then what!?" she cried, jumping to her feet. "What do you care about? Just tell me! Tell me what's going on in that stupid head of yours!"

Mao glanced back at the door again. "I..." Could he even tell her? Would this goddess even understand? She probably only cared because of Yorda, didn't she? Or it was just her way of trying to pay back that favor from before. It didn't matter. Why did she want to know so damn badly, anyway?

But if it could help Yorda... But what if it was already too late. "I..."

And what if Geoffrey was listening? What if... There were too many "what ifs!"

"He'll... kill her," Mao whispered, voice shaking. If she stayed... If he thought Yorda had outstayed her welcome... At least Almaz would know. At least Almaz could fight back!

"He..." She broke off, eyes narrowed. In this place, he could be talking about any number of people, but who else could it be in this case but...but that Geoffrey character? A person from his past. A demon...

"He won't," Urd finally said, voice rough around the edges as well. "Because you wouldn't let him, right? You'd protect her!"

Why didn't she get it?! No matter what Mao did, it wouldn't stop him! That bastard would just keep trying, laying traps, going behind Mao's back, tricking him, trapping him, all so he could isolate Mao. All so he could get his damn Strongest Overlord!

The Slaystation dropped from Mao's shaking hands, and he couldn't figure out exactly why they were shaking. It wasn't like talking to Riku. This goddess hadn't had anything like Mao had happen to him happen to her. A lump formed in his throat and pain in his heart. It hurt. Why did it have to hurt so much? It was so much easier to just push people away. Then this wouldn't happen, would it? But that thought hurt too.

But... protect Yorda? Mao sure had done a good job of that so far, hadn't he? His mood visibly darkened. Yeah... He'd done a really good job of that. That's why she was gone now.

When silence was all that met her impassioned words, Urd fell quiet as well. Looking down at the dusty floor, her hands clenched and unclenched at her sides. "...you remember, right?" Her voice, quiet though it was, cut through the tense silence.

"You were inside my heart once, with Genie and my sister. You probably saw some weird things...things you didn't understand. I'm half demon, you know?" She smiled wryly, still watching the floor. "Part of both worlds but belonging to neither. Used by both sides, but outcast by both as well. I might not know what it means to be an Overlord, but I do know what it means to have the darkness in me abused by people who see me as nothing more than a weapon."

She took a step toward him, laughing bitterly. "Pathetic, aren't I? The only thing keeping me from splitting apart is the people I care about. I'm twisted, Mao, but you know...Yorda's never cared. Like my sister, like Genie, she sees the darkness in my heart and loves me anyway. I need her here with me...more than I can even..."

Urd squeezed her eyes shut as her voice broke. "Please..." Her voice was devoid of the fire she usually had. She sounded broken. "Please, Mao...help me find her. I can't do it on my own. If I don't get her back, I'll..."

Again Urd was met with silence, but of a different type. So that was it, huh? He knew she was part demon, but it hadn't bothered him all that much. At least, not outside the usual scientific interest and urge to dissect her. A more cynical part of his mind wondered if the Super Hero would go after her instead if she did fall apart.

But Mao wasn't entirely unsympathetic. He knew what she meant. Beryl was kind of the same way. He wished she was here now. It would be a lot easier to deal with all of this with her or Almaz. He'd even take Princess or that teacher.

"You're lucky... to only be used." He'd prefer that to being raised for the slaughter.

He turned to face Urd, a fire in his eyes that spoke less of determination and more of something else--of anger and pain and hurt, deep and strong. It wasn't going to stop. It would never stop. Everyone he was close to was in danger and Mao was alone as long as that bastard was here. He wasn't cattle. He wasn't a tool to fame. He wouldn't let anything else happen... at any cost. A voice in the back of his mind urged him on. "Fine. I'll find her." And then he'd make both him and the people who had kidnapped her pay.

There was something in that gaze that left her speechless. But ignoring the warning bells in the back of her mind, Urd squared her shoulders and nodded. This would be okay, right? At least he was taking action now. Once they got Yorda back, she'd be able to bring him back out of the darkness...and until then, she would do what she had to in order to keep him from spiraling completely out of control.

"Okay. Mao..." She reached up to rub the back of her neck, glancing to the side. "I'm...sorry I said it was your fault. I was just angry. If it's anyone's fault...it's mine."

Liar. Mao thought sardonically at first. But the way she was acting made it seem like she didn't lie on purpose. Throwing out blame at random like that... Mao wasn't all that surprised that goddesses could do that too. But that didn't make it any less of a lie. She had no idea just how much he was to blame, did she?

"Tch. It's not," he replied, tone clipped. It wasn't stated to make her feel better, only as a simple fact, but one that Mao didn't feel like explaining.

"But it--" She paused, hearing his tone and wondering if any good would come from pushing more. What did he mean? Did he truly think this was all his fault? Yes...that was probably it, if what she knew about him was true. Who knew how much blame he put on himself? If only she could inside his heart the way he'd gone inside hers.

"...I'm...going to head out into another floor to look for her again. Will you look tonight too?"

Mao nodded. "It's not like she's going to find herself." And that bird was probably still out there somewhere. "Spira you said, right?" He really didn't like that place. The amount of death saturating that place was just creepy.

"It's the only place that makes sense," she sighed, crossing her arms under her chest to hug herself unconsciously. "I've scanned all the other floors but Spira...Spira is a world in itself. We might have missed something."

Urd stepped forward, placing her hand on his shoulder. "Mao, if you find her, don't do anything crazy, okay?" The words came out of her in a rush before she could stop them, even as she recognized the hypocrisy in them. "Wait until I get there too..."

"I'm not making you any promises," Mao said quickly, moving to step away from her hand. Even with Yorda's usual touchy-feeliness, Mao still wasn't used to being touched, and that sort of comforting gesture was still almost foreign to him. Demons really didn't do that kind of thing, and even if Mao's father might have done that, he was too big to do it without crushing Mao. "If the bastard did something, he's going to pay for it." Not that he wasn't already going to, but it would be a lot worse.

Her hand was left hanging in empty air, so she slowly let it drop with a sigh. "...yeah. He will." Urd turned her back to him, walking to the window and away from him. It felt like her heart was going to split, thoughts of Yorda being tortured warring with the dread she felt in the wake of Mao's cold rage. When all of this was said and done, she'd sit them both down and make sure they stayed together. It was more obvious to her now than ever before how necessary they were to each other.

She opened the window and floated out into the empty space outside. "...good luck. I'll be in touch."

Mao watched in silence as the goddess turned and left. He didn't really know what to say or if he even wanted to say anything. Frankly, he still didn't understand why she had come or why she had gone on about her being half-demon. Was it just to explain that she needed Yorda around? Was it kind of like how he liked having Beryl and Almaz around?

Maybe he did sort of understand. Sort of. Understanding that goddess was like trying to understand modern art. After awhile you just give up.

Still...

Mao's gaze flickered to the door. He'd find her before anything happened. No one else was going to die because of him. He never gave anyone any permission to die.

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Thoughts in turmoil [active]

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