paixaorpg | What A Pervert [Completed]

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What A Pervert [Completed]

Characters: Piffany and Betelgeuse
Content: Betelgeuse received quite a beating for his naughty sexual innuendos and over all undead nature.
Setting: Somewhere between Actua Are and Paixao Central Station
Time: Late Morning
Warnings: Betelgeuse has womans undergarments...

Since the discovery of The Wild Ginger, Betelgeuse had found himself with a very full schedule. It mainly consisted of him taking his regular seat at the fronts of the stage with his favorite drink in hand and a fresh Cuban cigar between his teeth. Many of the club occupants around him proved to be either disgusted or frightened by him during his time there. Not that he cared, he was there more for the women than anything else.

However, that only lasted for so long. Due to his constant visits, and rude behavior, many of the women began to disappear. The club lost the one thing he had been attracted to it for, forcing him to take his leave. Of course, that wasn't without a pair of souvenirs: at least three pairs of undergarments hidden away in his pockets. Well, at least two.

As he levitated passed the central station, the ghost could be seen playing with a pair of frilly pink panties in his pale, white hands. His thumbs ran over them, feeling over the fabric as his rotting teeth peeked out from his lips in delight. He was such a creeper, and he loved it.

Laughter began to work its way up his throat at the thought before his eyes caught sight of a perfect figured, blonde, Paixaoan. They focused from an upper region of her body to a lower one as she passed him, a look of immediate dislike upon her features when noticing Betelgeuse. But her thoughts did not appear to phase him, for already he had set his sights on another woman.

Her long dress blew in the gentle breeze, a crooked smile appearing over the demons features as he quietly trotted up behind her and picked up a near golden tree branch that appeared to have fallen off one of the many tree's surrounding them. Without the girl noticing, he began to lift the bottom of her dress a little higher using the branch. His head cranked to the side, inspecting the lovely view whiles his tongue stuck out between his teeth.

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Abruptly, a noisily-ringing staff knocked the undead over his head, accompanied by an angelic chorus singing, "Now you stop that this instant!"

A full night's sleep had done Piffany wonders, but waking up to find a rather hideous-looking lich (or something in the immediate family thereof) practicing lecherous acts on the lovely locals was not something any good cleric would approve of, and this was no exception. She smacked him twice more with the Staff of Harmony for good measure.

"Naughty enough that you're an icky-nasty undead," the normally sweet-tempered young woman scolded, "but doing naughty perverse things like peeking up girls' skirts is even worse!" Even the Count[ess] Repugsive had more manners than this terrible being!

Without so much as a warning, aside from the ringing staff which the woman held, the ghost sudden felt something crack against his skull. Hard. At this, his hands immediately flew up to his head to sooth it's pain as he turned to face the one responsible for causing him such agony.

"WHOA! OW...! What's your problem?!" he shouted, receiving another two swift hits from the staff over his fingers causing him to yell out in pain. In order to relieve the stinging sensation, his brightly painted fingertips were placed in his mouth in a rather childish manner as he stared at the spell caster in shock.

However, before he could give her a piece of his mind, the woman whom he had been... 'Inspecting' decided to give him hers. With a swift snap of her wrist, she slapped Betelgeuse over the cheek before running off.

"Awww, babes! Why you gotta be such a spoil sport?" the ghost cried after her. "Babes? BABES!"

"Serves you right!" Piffany chided. "Maybe now you'll learn not to do those mean and naughty things!" Without more offensive companions about, the cleric knew better than to try and start a real fight, but a scolding seemed perfectly in order. "The people in this town are good and nice enough to let you stay, and this is the way you treat them in return? Shame on you!"

A frown and a finger-wag later, she decided she'd let the icky-nasty undead think about his bad behavior and subsequent punishment for a while, and hopefully he would have learned his lesson by the time she came back.

Learn something? She actually expected him to learn something from this experience? What was she nuts? That was just so sappy. Did this look like some sweet little Saturday morning cartoon show, teaching children the proper do's and don't's in their lives to her? If so, things were in a definite need of change for learning lessons wasn't exactly his thing. If anyone would be learning something here, it would be her.

"You see what you did?" he snarled, tightly clenching his fists as he towered over Piffany. "You scared her off! You scared all the babes off!"

His exposed teeth looked as if they were about to shatter from the amount of pressure being forced down on them. It was obvious he was angry as he pointed a brightly painted finger nail accusingly in the mage's direction, opening his mouth to shout something likely foul. However, his mouth closed itself and a calm, cool, expression came across his features.

"I don't usually do these shows for free," the ghost began, rolling up his sleeves in the process. "It costs to much for the streamers, the catering, the not so live band, those little party hats and the confetti that takes TO DAMN LONG TO CLEAN UP! What do people take me for here, a green machine (http://www.dailycal.org/sharticle.php?id=21176)? ... Ahhh, but you, babes, you're an exception."

The sinister look that fell across his features made it clear that nothing good was about to come.

" 'Babes' isn't a nice thing to call someone," Piffany scolded, but she saw the abrupt change from angry-pottymouthed-undead to happily-sinister-pottymouthed-undead and realized that he was up to something. This led to the little cleric pushing up her own sleeves, checking her grip on the Staff of Harmony... and preparing for a royal de-naughty-ing.

She never willingly started a fight and hardly got involved without the backup of Yeager and Artax (whom she suddenly missed rather badly), but if this nasty so-and-so wanted to start something, she could hold her own. All in the name of goodness and gumdrops!

"So, have we got today, kids?" he asked, his hands waving about while his tongue rolled over his front teeth. "We got quite a crowd here, quite a crowd. And boy, have we ever got a show!" Leaning in to wink at this, the ghost suddenly vanished into thin air. How he'd exactly done so remain a mystery. However, realizing that this meant nothing good was to come of it was not.

The sound of a marching band could be heard in the distance, a heavy fog beginning to sweep through the area. Through the thick clouds, an approaching figure could be seen. The band grew louder as the black figure swept closer, familiar laughter arising. Colour began to reveal itself on the marching band conductors clothing, although it was fairly faint. They suddenly came to a halt, raising their baton to point in the woman's direction before shouting out something completely indistinguishable.

Without hesitation, the band continued to march forward, past their leader and surround Piffany. Its members consisted of formally dressed skeletons, each carrying a particular interment which they attempted to play. Many, seeing as they did not posses flesh any longer, seemed to have a difficult time playing the interment they had been assigned.

The band quickly fell apart.

"Hey, hey! What the hell are you doing?" Betelgeuse, who had proved to be the conductor, shouted at the band members as he stormed through the crowd.

Holding up their brass trumpet, the skeleton turned to the ghost with a sigh. "I don't have lips, how am I to play this thing? And Freddy, he keeps throwing me off."

"I can't help it," replied another member of the deceased. "My slide keeps getting stuck in my ribs."

Throwing a hand over his face, the ghost shook his head after seeing the trombone slide, as the skeleton had claimed, caught in their ribs. These idiots...

"Yeah, we keep losing beat with her staff ringing like that. Betelgeuse-"

Suddenly appearing horrified, the pale conductor snapped his head in the trumpet players direction. They looked equally as frightened, opening their mouth to say something that would have been likely an apology. But before he could let so much as another sound escape, the ghost waved his baton causing the trumpet players jaw falling to the ground. A second later, they fell to the ground as a pile of scattered bones that were kicked aside by Betelgeuse.

"From the eighth measure." he growled, the band instantly lifting their interments to play as he slid in the comment "-I'll be taking this too." before replacing his conducting baton with Piffany's ringing staff in the mer blink of an eye. And then, dropped it.

The smell, as well as the sizzle, of burnt flesh lingered long after a howl of pain to escaped the ghoul. His hand shook as he tried to contemplate just what happened, a string of foul language shooting from his lips. The hell just happened?

Piffany recovered the Staff of Harmony without much effort, shook the nasty undead dirt from Betelgeuse's hands off of it with a practiced flick, and shot the nasty undead himself a heartwarmingly innocent grin. "Sorry about that! I thought you'd know better than to try to mess with something so full of happy thoughts and sunshine!"

With that, she whirled and brandished the holy and wholesome staff at the most unholy and unwholesome band with a cry of, "Begone!" And while the power she called upon to turn back those nasty zombies wasn't anywhere near what she'd been hoping for, a few of them did skitter back away, enough to break up the tempo of their march into chaos again.

Oh, well, there was always more goodness and sugar where that came from!

(OOC: I had Piffany try to turn the undead band members, but didn't roll very well. Betelgeuse can probably get them back in line... for now.)

"Don't... Give me that look!" he snarled at Piffany, her well manner and good intention enough to make him sick to his stomach. She even apologized! How much vulgar could she possibly be? His currently purple tongue shot out in disgust as he drew back into his band of living dead, tossing them toward the woman.

They, however, didn't last as well as Betelgeuse had thought. With a wave of the mages staff, those he threw at her either shuffled right back into him or fell to the ground into a pile of... Well, bones.

None the less, he forced his band forward, snapping off the arm of one of the many deceased around him and using it as a baton. Some confused, or lacking the rhythmic beat gradually found their place once again in the oddly joyful tune they played.

As they drew closer, the pale skinned ghost began to approach Piffany from behind. He knew well enough that as long as Piffany possessed her Staff of Harmony, there was little he could do to her. And if he couldn't touch it himself, it made things even more difficult.

Hopefully his marching band served as a perfect distraction as he maneuvered the skeleton hand to reach for the staff.

Piffany was busy trying to come up with enough happy thoughts to ward off the undead band members-- too busy to notice the lich sneaking up behind her, extra hand outstretched...

"Hey!" she yelped at the Staff of Harmony being yanked out of her hand. "That wasn't nice!" Without her holy symbol, she couldn't turn away or destroy the nasty-icky undead anywhere near as effectively... but she was still a spellcaster of extraordinary goodness and gumption! A slightly wild swing of her now-empty weapon hand, a quick prayer to whoever lorded over sunshine and baby birdies in Paixao, and the little cleric wasted no time in letting loose a blinding ray of sunlight into the undead's face, hopefully upsetting him enough for her to retrieve her Staff and finish teaching him a lesson!

(OOC: The spell she just cast is Searing Ray, by the way. Mostly it risks blinding him for a few rounds, since I don't think Betelgeuse is affected by sunlight the way vampires or zombies are)

"Gotcha!" Betelgeuse laughed at his accomplishment, successfully confiscating her possession, the Staff of Harmony. With such a holy and dangerous weapon in the hold of someone who would put it to truly good use, he had no choice but to dispose of it, at least for the time being. Already, the skeleton hand clutching the object was beginning to perish. Before it turned completely into dust (which its previous owner just had), he threw both the arm and staff into a trunk which he had summoned. It ate both objects, belching loudly before snapping its locks shut and securing its content.

After witnessing this, the ghost turned back to face Piffany to receive a most unpleasant surprise. He was unaware of exactly where this sudden ray of light had come from, but he made a fairly accurate guess when predicting it to be the spellcasters doing. His pale hands flew over his eyes as he stumbled back giving a cry of distress.

"Look what you've done!" he cried. "I'm melting! MEEEEEEEEEEEEEELTING!"

His height gradually began to decrease, smoke coming off his clothing as if he truly were melting away into nothing. And, true enough, in a matter of seconds nothing but a puddle of pin striped water could be found in the spot the deceased being had once stood.

There was no time for celebration though. For a loud click could be hear from behind Piffany, the dreaded bio-exorcist appearing in perfect condition despite the display he had showed a moment ago. A pair of black shades appeared over his eyes, shielding him from the powerful ray which amazingly ceased to exist from this point.

Releasing his hold of the chain he had pulled, working much like an old fashion chain light in households in turning of the suns ray off, he shared the most unpleasant of smiles.

"Boo."

The city had gone dark.

Piffany, whirling to face her foe, knew she was in a fix now. She was human. She didn't have darkvision, or even low-light vision. So when everything went dark... everything was dark. She couldn't see.

"Oh dear."

The remaining members of the band weren't too hard to keep track of-- their continual efforts to play music (despite being unable to see their sheet music or their conductor) lessened the difficulty of listening for them and keeping out of their way. Betelgeuse, who clearly had a few levels of either Rogue or Bard or something else with Hide and/or Move Silently as class skills, was another story.

On the other hand, she sorta knew what the enemy was, and that was half the battle in and of itself. A small strategy formed in her mind, and risky as it was, Piffany realized she couldn't fight Betelgeuse-- he wasn't following the same rules she was, if he was following rules at all, and she didn't have the sheer offensive capacities of her absent companions.

Piffany ignored logic-- Betelgeuse would expect her to either try to attack him with her magic again or flee altogether-- and instead followed her ears toward the semi-musical chaos of the marching band's remains. Once she was-- dared she think it-- safely surrounded by clammy skeletons and zombies and confusion, she touched her right hand to her left, casting a spell with a low prayer.

Hide from Undead

She could come back for the Staff later, hopefully with Yeager and Artax in tow to help teach that nasty-icky Betelgeuse a lesson! For now, she made her escape, finding a wall and following it by touch, praying that none of those horrors had made their Will saves...

~~~
(OOC: Piffany's spell basically prevents undead from noticing her, but intelligent undead like Betelgeuse might not be affected. Or Betelgeuse can deliberately let her go with the intent of playing again another day...)

Casually removing his sunglasses, Betelgeuse slunk forward in Piffany's direction. Dark or not, he could still see her presence, feel it. And yet, it appeared his band could not. It boggled him, forcing him to scratch his head as he watched the mage slip off.

Was she afraid? Had he scared her? His eyes narrowed, posture falling even more so into a slouch as he thought to himself. The girl was surprisingly strong, more so than he had expected. Even without her staff, which he had assumed to be the source of her power, she put up a good fight pulling a few tricks out of her own sleeves. This could get dangerous, even for a ghost as powerful as him.

He was out for the scare. -well, perhaps revenge more so in this case. She had struck him both physically and mentally with such happy, blissful thoughts. But that was the trouble of it all right there.

This could get ugly, ending in Piffany's favor and thus his demise. Betelgeuse easily disliked that idea. So, for means of his own safety, he allowed her to flee. He watched her from his new seat on the trunk that held her Staff Of Harmony.

As long as he had scared her and taught her the valuable lesson not to mess with him, he was satisfied. There was no reason to risk his well being.

The wall against the spellcasters fingertips gradually gained change of texture as she wandered off. It was a cold, scaly, wet and moving feel as a loud hissing could be heard. Wither or not it was the real feel of a snake, it didn't matter. The ghost would allow her to think whatever she wished of it as his sickening laughter echoed throughout the darkness.

[ooc: Are we finished here? May I close the thread or are there any final thoughts/posts?]

It was the wall-turning-into-a-snake bit that did it. The clammy, dreadful feeling of scales and the underlying muscles brought back to mind the simple fact that Yeager and Artax were not there. She'd traveled so far away from her group only to run into the reason she'd traveled with them in the first place. And now she had to get back to them.

But first she needed her staff back. So she turned herself around and marched back to where the undead was seated on his trunk that had her Staff of Harmony in it, stopped short right in front of him, and struck a thoughtful pose.

"My my my," she scolded, albeit with a much more lighthearted air than previously. Betelgeuse was sadly mistaken if he thought he'd won. "Didn't your mother ever teach you that stealing other people's stuff is wrong? Such a nasty, mean, unscrupulous person as yourself..." She snapped her fingers as if coming to a revelation, then pointed to his face so closely her finger almost touched the tip of his nose. "I know just the thing to cheer you up!"

Cure Critical Wounds! Only the biggest and best happy thoughts for this occassion-- kicking demonic butt with celestial powers, giving the gods her very own special secret cookie recipie and watching them celebrate, helping the Fates weave the threads of reality back together after accidentally endangering existance (repeatedly), and the baffled yet pleased look on Nodwick's face every time she brought him back to life-- which had the expected effect of knocking Betelgeuse off his seat with the force of the positive energy. She slapped a few strips of duct tape of healing on him for good measure-- not enough to bring him back to life, but enough to keep him down.

"Yes sir, a cure for all what ails you!" she preened lightly, moving her hand to the right and finding the wood of the trunk. Geas! Please give me back my Staff of Harmony, it wasn't his to give to you in the first place!

The trunk shuddered for a moment, then meekly burped out the unharmed Staff, which she lit up with a light spell and used to find her way out of the strange nonmagical darkness Betelgeuse had cast on the area. From there, it was no big deal to slip out of the city, and she was on her way back to the friends she shouldn't have abandoned in the first place...

---
(OOC: And that's it for Piffany, I guess! Thanks for working with me on this, Sharron.)

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What A Pervert [Completed]

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